What am I up to?

I need my sanity back. That is the only sentence I got along with the migraine I am having right now. I am sleepy yet dizzy. Back then, before I started dating my boyfriend, I was quite happy. I went out with my new friends, I fell in love (with another guy), I learned a lot of things, and so on.

No, no, I am not blaming my boyfriend for making me insane, but everything seems to be not right. I keep complaining. My seventh term was at first fun until a lot of things keep bothering me. I was very healthy in the beginning of the semester, the flu I usually got gone just like that. POOF! I go to school back and forth by public transportation. Five days a week. Everything went so well. I had no problem with my sleep, and I woke up very early in my cheerful self. I kept on exercising to maintain my health and mood.

Not until I realized I could not graduate this semester because my thesis is not as simple as I thought it would be. Not until I realized my boyfriend is very busy to update me 24 hours a day just like my exes. Not until I realized going to school back and forth is quite tiring, since I have to wake up four hours before the class. Not until I realized I cannot go out that often anymore because I have to rest and be focused on my thesis. Not until I realized I have not done anything yet for #SaveSharks campaign. Not until I realized I have gained so much weight that has made me feel so ugly. Not until I realized staying at home means there is no place to escape, to run away. It also means that I have to see my dad keeps on eating everyday without thinking about health.

Not until I realized everything could never go the way I always wanted.

The only place where I could go to when I want to run away is my sister’s room, upstairs, just like what I am doing right now.

in the two previous posts, I have written such a positive post about adaptation in Bahasa Indonesia, but I know now it is not as easy as I thought it could be–by writing such a positive thing, I could live positively.

I will not lie, everything seems to be very difficult. I always think too much. Overthinking is my problem.

I am thinking about the run-away friends. I am the one to blame.

I am thinking about the delayed-graduation.

I am thinking about this.

I am thinking about that.

I am thinking about blah blah blah.

I am thinking about every little thing.

After all, what is the solution?

I am still figuring it out, and life must go on. Time will not wait.

So yeah, I am moving on. I am still adapting.

What am I up to?

I don’t know, really. I guess I will just take a glass of chocolate milk every night. I will just let my sleep pils stay in the rack.

What I know is that I really need my sanity back.

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